Long time no see dear friend.

I haven't updated in a very long time. I've been busy with working, which is actually now training part two. I can’t seem to get over how tiring learning something at such a fast pace can be. I’m in this very unsatisfying rut right now where I can seem to stick with anything long enough to be any good at it. I have a feeling it will only continue. Word on the grapevine is that once I finish my current training and can meet average expectations, I will yet again be trained to do something entirely different.

On the positive side, I’m never bored and to be honest, I really don’t have any good excuse to not post more. My life is most definitely anything but boring, but I tend to be a bit lazy at the moment. Forgive me, but college and all the experiences that went with it really wore me down. In addition to training for my third job since January, I am trying to grasp the married life, military life and New England all at once.

When I actually can sit down for a few minutes I tend to spend it catching up on news, both the trashy gossip variety and the actual good stuff worth chewing on. I’ve taken an interested in photography, due largely in part to my husband and a strategy game I’ve been playing the computer in skirmish mode and gradually building up some serious battle skills. As an added bonus, if while driving home I encounter morons who can’t drive, I can play a battle and blow up some aliens and the world seems well again.

I have also have had days where I’m actually at peace with the world long enough to do some serious heavy reading. I’m so incredibly thankful for that. It’s been many years since that has been the case. I keep acquiring books and now have plenty of material for my mind to digest at its leisure. However, I am beginning to think I won’t really dive into them until winter. My gut tells me that once the snows hit again, I’ll go to work and the grocery store and that’s it. I’ll just stock up on hot cocoa and read until my heart is content.

With all that said, it should be noted to those who know me best that I’m finally beginning to find peace in life. It may just simply be my soul settling into adulthood, but whatever the reason it is lovely. I know I’ve been a bit selfish and haven’t shared my life or experiences with people. Had I had it my way, my wedding would have been entirely private and my address unknown to everyone except the postman. I’m not sure the explanation for my hermit like behavior, but I do know it’s temporary. It goes against my basic core beliefs to not at least be available for people, so in due time I’ll emerge again.

Meanwhile, enjoy life.

Time Management and Hobbies.

Time is such a funny thing. I can remember going years where I would have about half an hour of free time first thing in the morning, which often was used to shower and an hour right before bedtime, and that was a good night. I went years like that. I even had a motto for a while that went something like, “Free time isn’t something you have, it’s something you make or find.”

However, I wasn’t very good at finding it. At least, not enough of it to do things I enjoyed so when people ask me about hobbies I draw up the blankest deer in headlights look imaginable. By the time I was in the middle of high school, I had so much to do that it carried over into time I normally slept.

What was I doing you may ask? Well, I often had school at seven and wouldn’t get home until four. I would have homework from four until nine almost every night, college didn’t help my situation. Even though I was in class less, I had to work close to thirty hours a week. Now, throw this on top of the fact that during all of this I was getting treated for a disease that would very much like to kill me when I’m not paying attention.

I’m pathetic, I know. I’m not even thirty and I’m just too tired for most things. Most humans I think reach the classic, “F*ck it” point when they hit retirement. For the moment, I’m already there. For the longest time, there were so many rules for everything. I wouldn’t go to bed unless everything was in its place, my homework was caught up, my social networking was caught up and errands run.

Now, my only real motivation to keep things nice and orderly on a daily basis is my husband. It’s unfortunate because it all conflicts. On one hand I have my need for freedom to let things go, not to be stressed out about the small stuff and give myself a break. Tell myself it’s okay if I don’t do laundry until the weekend or if I forget to brush my teeth before bed, not to get out of bed at midnight and brush them. It is hard working full-time and being a home maker. One the other hand, I desperately want to be a good wife. I want to create as little stress as possible for my husband, who is dealing with so much military stuff it’s a wonder he is given enough time off to sleep in his own bed, much less carry on a conversation with his wife.

And yet, since even if I was in my time management efficiency mode I know I couldn’t do everything, much less begin to ponder the idea of having a hobby. Regardless, I have basic things to do before work, which sadly won’t be enough to relieve stress from my husband when he gets home. It’s not like saying I didn’t get home until six thirty really works as an excuse for a military man. ;)

Why the bandwagon idea only works in advertising...

Why is it that when I bring up a problem or complain to someone of a higher authority, someone who could actually fix the problem, I am told that I'm not the only one who has brought this up? Why do people think this would make me feel better? If anything, it causes me to question whether I should trust them or believe they are in control of the situation. Maybe I should follow up that comment with a question like, "How many people have talked to you about this?" If the answer is more than ten, I should really worry. But, in my opinion, if it's more than one, then they're not doing their job, or they don't care, in either which case, there is something fishy that lurks there.