Time Management and Hobbies.

Time is such a funny thing. I can remember going years where I would have about half an hour of free time first thing in the morning, which often was used to shower and an hour right before bedtime, and that was a good night. I went years like that. I even had a motto for a while that went something like, “Free time isn’t something you have, it’s something you make or find.”

However, I wasn’t very good at finding it. At least, not enough of it to do things I enjoyed so when people ask me about hobbies I draw up the blankest deer in headlights look imaginable. By the time I was in the middle of high school, I had so much to do that it carried over into time I normally slept.

What was I doing you may ask? Well, I often had school at seven and wouldn’t get home until four. I would have homework from four until nine almost every night, college didn’t help my situation. Even though I was in class less, I had to work close to thirty hours a week. Now, throw this on top of the fact that during all of this I was getting treated for a disease that would very much like to kill me when I’m not paying attention.

I’m pathetic, I know. I’m not even thirty and I’m just too tired for most things. Most humans I think reach the classic, “F*ck it” point when they hit retirement. For the moment, I’m already there. For the longest time, there were so many rules for everything. I wouldn’t go to bed unless everything was in its place, my homework was caught up, my social networking was caught up and errands run.

Now, my only real motivation to keep things nice and orderly on a daily basis is my husband. It’s unfortunate because it all conflicts. On one hand I have my need for freedom to let things go, not to be stressed out about the small stuff and give myself a break. Tell myself it’s okay if I don’t do laundry until the weekend or if I forget to brush my teeth before bed, not to get out of bed at midnight and brush them. It is hard working full-time and being a home maker. One the other hand, I desperately want to be a good wife. I want to create as little stress as possible for my husband, who is dealing with so much military stuff it’s a wonder he is given enough time off to sleep in his own bed, much less carry on a conversation with his wife.

And yet, since even if I was in my time management efficiency mode I know I couldn’t do everything, much less begin to ponder the idea of having a hobby. Regardless, I have basic things to do before work, which sadly won’t be enough to relieve stress from my husband when he gets home. It’s not like saying I didn’t get home until six thirty really works as an excuse for a military man. ;)