Send in the clowns...

Why is it such a hard concept for people to grasp that I can only form conclusions with the information I have? Furthermore, if I cannot draw a conclusion that makes sense or at least enough sense so that I can sleep well, then I’m going to ask questions. People seem to question how much I care, if you care, if you truly love, and then you’ll fight to understand. To simply blindly trust anything is very risky and nerve racking and I am one who cannot function for too long without being able to at least trust the important influencers in my life.

I know it’s horrible, but I’m beginning to believe that someone’s behavior away from work does indeed impact their job. I’m also beginning to believe that the longer hours somehow works, the more likely their “true selves” will surface. I’m getting really tired of people just telling me to suck it up and deal with it. It scares me to wits end when people who will be either in charge of my husband’s life and safety or those assisting him have the intelligence of a small mouse, can’t even do something as simple as train new crew members in a timely fashion, discipline those who clearly are self centered pricks and have no concept that their behavior has consequences on those around them and communicate and/or educate those of us on the outside why after such mockery they should be trusted at all.

I guess it’s not enough I can’t sleep at night and wake up to nightmares and am getting increasingly sick. No one gives a damn, I’m just a stupid civilian asking too many questions and apparently it’s stupid to want to trust the military. Even on a basic level of, I’m an American tax payer does this entire circus show irritate me. If congress wasn’t such a mess, I’d attempt to pull a shawshank letter write fest and hope that after a couple of years, someone would finally get the message. Knowing my luck, they won’t and even if they did, it would be too late. They’ll probably have me drugged to the point of stupidity by then so I really will be dumb and happy. They’ll argue some crap like how it’s in the best interest of the whole lot for me to just shut up and if I don’t voluntarily, then they’ll do what’s necessary so I will. I’ll have no choice; I’ll just deal with it. It’s not like I haven’t been transformed into a drug zombie before so people who are by far more important than me could feel better.